My Midnight Confession

Hello again. It is nearing midnight and i already took a nap this afternoon so i'm not too terribly tired. So i figure i'd tell you about my love life. I don't have one. And just in case any of my past boyfriends or flings ever read this, i will use code names.

Well my first real boyfriend was... hmmm.... what should we call him? Austin. Sure why not? So "Austin" was my best friend. His parents and mine were best friends so we spent all sorts of time together. Our first camping trip together was when i was in fourth grade and we held hands at 10pm as we walked about the campsite. We kissed first when i was in 6th grade. It was awkward but first kisses are suppossed to be right? So we broke up eventually, and i dated other guys as he has dated other girls. Every year when we go to the lake we usually hook up if we are both unattached. That might make me sound shady but i promise its not. I still have feelings for him but he has a girlfriend now, so there is no way that i am messing up that for him.

Then the next one. Lets call him Ben. I first noticed "Ben" at a church function in 7th grade. He was cute and i had seen him before, afterall he went to my school, but somehow he was different. Did you know that 90% of what you say is body language? So to put it mildly, "Ben" didn't say a word and he got my attention. So our relationship skyrocketed from there. He liked me alot as did i. He was so sweet, and we got along really well. I ended it 5 months later after his best friend told me "Ben" was going to break up with me. I was deveasated but i would never admit it. I still liked "Ben" alot, and it took me until the end of freshman year to really get over him. I am friends with "Ben" now and he is actually falling for my best friend. Small world.

Lets call him "Chase". I met "Chase" the first day of my 8th grade year of junior high. He sat with us at lunch, and he had the longest eyelashes i'd ever seen. We had 2 classes together and alot in common. He had a reputation for being a pathological flirt, as did i. In this situation, opposistes did not attract. We were more alike than any guy i have ever gone out with. We dated for 3 or 4 months before I realized i was dating myself. Gross. So needless to say i broke it off. We dated briefly once more but only on a whim. December of my freshman year he dated my best friend for 5 months. And broke her heart. Just yesterday he told her he still loved her, and she thought it was funny. So did I.

Next comes the fail. "Josh" was a puny little goalie on my soccerteam's brother team. He was shy and quiet. Not my type at all. He asked me out at lunch a couple of months after the "Chase" era ended. I said yes because i would look like a bitch if i didn't. It lasted a tad more than a week before he had his bestfriend dump me in front of the entire lunch room for him. And i haven't forgiven him for that. Stupid "Josh".

Now comes "Andy" Wow. Well "Andy" was a sweet boy that i hurt very badly. Twice. We went out for a month in January of my freshman year before i freaked out and dumped him right before a school dance. Bad i know. Then he went out with one of my friends in which time i convinced myself i liked him again, and after they broke up i told him how i thought i felt and he asked me out. it lasted less than a week before i freaked out again this summer and dumped him again.

And of course i've had other flings besides these, but these are the only one's i've actually cared ALOT about. Now i am in a point where music and school takes up most of my brain capacity. I sort of like two boys, one my age and one a senior, but i don't have time for guys in this crucial moment in my life. I don't want to be one of those girls who has everything going for her and then throws it all away on some guy who just cheats on her anyway. I may not believe alot but i do believe in soul mates. And that is that.